confused

Assalammualaikum wbt

nothing to say
i just feel
empty

i don't know what to say..
because it deep inside.
i feel very
zero

i really do not enjoying what i am doing right now
and i know something went wrong somewhere
seriously

i do not enjoy my work
it was not boring compared being a promoter
being a waiter is far more exciting than a promoter

i got my vehicle
my freedom
but when i back from work
i opened up the laptop
and i checked my email and so on

little chit chat with my brothers, sister
and even father and mother
and i feel
weird somewhere

i bought a drawing block
set of water colour and brushes
and crayon and a colour's plate

just to bring back my interest
my hobby
what i like to do when i bored a long time ago
i was a champion
but now i cannot even finish a single drawing

and that was trouble
horrible

i tried to paint

so, i try to travel
same
i did not find nothing either
i was just cars, motorcycles, traffic lights
and u know
life was a bore

so, i start thinking
what did i searching for?

material? no
interest? no
girlfriend? no

and sometimes
u try to act like u are good in front of people
and u think everyone praise on you
"ouh, u such a good boy"
"ouh, u are very clever"
"ouh, u such a gentlemen"

what is the praise for?
what is title for?
what is pride for?

i looked at the mirror
"who am i?"
"what i supposed to do?"
"what is 'the thing' that i am searching now?"

can i found it by just
work, back, sleep, online
no

what is it
what

i don't know
..................