Kawan-Kawan ^^

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

confused

Assalammualaikum wbt

nothing to say
i just feel
empty

i don't know what to say..
because it deep inside.
i feel very
zero

i really do not enjoying what i am doing right now
and i know something went wrong somewhere
seriously

i do not enjoy my work
it was not boring compared being a promoter
being a waiter is far more exciting than a promoter

i got my vehicle
my freedom
but when i back from work
i opened up the laptop
and i checked my email and so on

little chit chat with my brothers, sister
and even father and mother
and i feel
weird somewhere

i bought a drawing block
set of water colour and brushes
and crayon and a colour's plate

just to bring back my interest
my hobby
what i like to do when i bored a long time ago
i was a champion
but now i cannot even finish a single drawing

and that was trouble
horrible

i tried to paint

so, i try to travel
same
i did not find nothing either
i was just cars, motorcycles, traffic lights
and u know
life was a bore

so, i start thinking
what did i searching for?

material? no
interest? no
girlfriend? no

and sometimes
u try to act like u are good in front of people
and u think everyone praise on you
"ouh, u such a good boy"
"ouh, u are very clever"
"ouh, u such a gentlemen"

what is the praise for?
what is title for?
what is pride for?

i looked at the mirror
"who am i?"
"what i supposed to do?"
"what is 'the thing' that i am searching now?"

can i found it by just
work, back, sleep, online
no

what is it
what

i don't know
..................

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Zai...when u feel empty when there are peoples around u...my teacher once said...maybe bukan mereka yg dicari...ur heart wants u to be with Him...luangkan masa bersamanya...

in a way...maybe u could do some sharing with people. Fitrah manusia sukakan kebaikan dan berkongsi...attending programs such as voluntary work sometimes really helpful in us gaining strength selain menambahkan rasa kesyukuran dalam diri

Muhammad Zaiasraf bin Zainurin said...

yep.maybe.insyaAllah. thanks for da advice :)

Anonymous said...

nah amek ni...
you`re stupid

Anonymous said...

Sabar Zai, Allah melihat usaha kita, bukan hasil.

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